Guilt is a Bitter Medicine
by EntropyMage
Summary: Coming home late one night, Raph expects to find Leo waiting to lecture him. What happens when he comes home and no one is there waiting, nothing except for a sound. REPOST
1. Chapter 1

**Guilt is a Bitter Medicine **

Raph stomped through the stagnate sewage water. The sounds of traffic above him mingled with the steady drips, echoes, and squeaks of the sewer around him. Irritability, he flung aside the next man hole cover he saw, and climbed swiftly into the alley. Not bothering to replace the metal disk, the ninja flipped effortlessly onto a near by fire escape and onto the neighboring roof. As soon as his feet hit the concrete, he started to run.

Damn Leo. Why did he have to be so perfect? He has not one 'effin flaw and thinks that he can lord over me. Well, that crap was for the birds. Angrily, Raph spun around and executed a powerful right hook that dented the metal vent that had the misfortune of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. With an aggravated sigh, Raph began to pace around the roof of the office building. He had come home from Casey's later then planned, and had met a very angry Leo. Needless to say, things were not pretty. Both Don and Mike had left the vicinity when he stormed in, Don pausing only momentarily to shoot Raph a warning glare, but it went unnoticed.

"Whe'e were you?"

"Why would you care?"

"Raph, you're an hou' over cufew!"

"Oh, so now I have a bed time?"

"Splinter said –"

"You know Leo, you can take what Splinter said and shove it up your shell! I can handle myself, I don't need you to baby-sit me!"

"Apparently I do, Raphael! You've only been up fowr a few days, you can't be doing stupid stunts like this!"

"You know, Leo, I'm sick of your bitching!"

"Language!"

"Fuck you, Leo."

And with that he had turned away and walked back out into the night.

_And here I am_ Raphael thought ruefully.

He spent the next hour running across the rooftops. He contemplated stopping by Casey's again; maybe he would like to go bust some skulls. Halfway way there he decided against it. He didn't have to go home until he wanted to. He would use this time to be alone. Even if Leo decided to come after him, he'd have a hell of a fight getting him into the sewers. Raph snorted at the thought of Leo coming after him. If it had been a week earlier the thought would have been very probable. But after their last fight against the Shred-head, Leo hadn't been up to his usual bastard self. He hid it well, Raph was sure that not even Don had picked it up, but Leo had slowed during practice, becoming unbalanced during the sparing matches that Raph loved, it was the only time he could vent his anger against his elder bro' and not get into trouble. Outside the dojo, Leo's speech was worse then ever. _Stupid idiot can't even talk right_. Raph thought smugly. Not only had that changed, but Leo could be seen holding on to something, as if the world was about to be swept from beneath his feet.

Raph didn't know what had caused the sudden change in his brother; perhaps he was finally coming undone. That last defeat must have cracked him. Raph smiled grimly at the memory.

_It was a balmy night, and the four turtles were gathering at their rendezvous spot before they headed home. Only Leonardo was late._

"_Damn him, what's taking so long?"_

_The question was voiced to the purple and orange bandanna turtles, but neither of them answered. Both of them were hunched in the shadows, watching the area, even Mike was quiet. Something was not right, if only they could listen…_

"_Are you two deaf? I just said that we should get outta here!"_

"_Raph, shut up!"_

"_What!"_

"_We can't hear over your extremely obnoxious mouth, so can it bro!"_

"_Whatdya need to hear up here? There's absolutely nothin'…"_

_But his words were cut off by an enraged battle cry somewhere up and away. Despite himself, Raph shivered at the scream. It sounded like a wounded animal caught in a blood lust._

"_Leo." Mikey moaned, and he was gone, catapulting across the street, using the streetlights as stepping-stones. Don followed quickly after him, Raph right on his heels. _

_They arrived at the rooftop of a corporate building when the rain started to fall. It was a mass of swirling black shapes that seemed to have neither beginning nor end. It was like the shadows had taken it upon them selves to come alive and devour the living. Only by experience did the turtles know that it was not some mythical monster from hell, but just the foot clan. In the midst of the darkness they saw Leonardo fighting empty air. So it wasn't just the regular foot, but the techies too. Raph cracked his neck in anticipation, he was sooo gonna enjoy this_

_ He had barely enough time to take down the first hand full of punks when Mikey gave a shout of surprise. Raph looked over in time to see his youngest sibling fly to the edge of the building. For a brief, heart-stopping moment, Raph thought that Mikey was going to fall off the 30-story building. This, of course, did not happen, for Mikey managed to use his momentum to flip onto his feet and slide a few feet before coming to a halt. Raph sighed and disarmed the ninja next to him without even looking. The clan was becoming so predictable with their attacks that Raph felt sure he could fight them in his sleep. He picked up the intensity of his attack, already becoming bored. _

_Suddenly he was face-to-face to the reason why Mikey had a free plane ride. It was old grease can himself: Shredder. Raph twirled his sai grinning at his opponent, who just stood with his claws ready. _

"_Look before you leap." _

_A voice very much like Leonardo's echoed through his head. Raph shook his head slightly. Even when his overbearing sib' was on the other side of a building, surrounded by foot, he still managed to nag him. Raph shook his head again, this time more to himself, before he launched at his foe. _

_Well, he had to admit, it was quick. One moment he was going at the Shred-head with a side swipe from both sides, before ducking under the attacking claws and sending a low sweeping kick that would have sent any attacker on his soon-to-be-tender bum. This did not work, for the tin can had back flipped out of the way before running foreword once more. Raphael had barely time to roll to his feet when felt a sucker punch to the stomach. Raph doubled over in pain, gasping for breath._

"_That was sloppy," he moaned to himself. The sound of his opponent's laughter caught his attention. "That Bastard!" And again he was up and attacking. Raph knew then that he should've paid more attention during practice, because he didn't even have a fighting chance. One moment he was on his feet, ready to fight, next he was up in the air, feet kicking and arms grappling at the armored hand that held him. _

_Raph mentally kicked himself, while the other half of his brain screamed out for air. His lungs burned, his brain was throbbing, and his mouth was opening and closing on air that he could not swallow. His vision was blurring, darkness interloping on his sight, his limbs becoming heavy. Suddenly he was free! The metal hand released him as a green blur leapt over Raph. He briefly saw the two colors fight with a frenzy that he did not think possible, but that was before his head hit the ground and he knew no more._

_Raph awoke later in Donnie's lab. He was alone, except for a few beeping machines and a throbbing headache. He moaned and rolled off the table, making his way unsteadily to the main part of the lair, where his family had congregated. Upon sight of the red-banded turtle, the two present turtles leapt up and hugged Raph, laughing when he pushed them away._

"_My son, I am glad that you are awake."_

"_Thank you, Sensei."_

"_How's your head Raph?"_

"_Like a piece of 'effin dynamite was set off in it."_

"_Raphael!"_

"_Sorry, master."_

_After he had been supplied with a cup of hot tea, Raph demanded to know what had happened. Upon learning that he had had his clocked cleaned by the shredder, he banged his fist on the table, before standing up, his headache had disappeared with the tea. _

"_Where ya going?"_

"_I need to practice. Where's Leo?"_

"_My son, Leonardo is in his room. He has been asleep since he had brought you home."_

"_How long ago was that?"_

"_Three hours, my son."_

"_Three hours? Shit!"_

"_Raphael!"_

"_Sorry, master."_

_Raph stomped off to his brother's room. There was no way he was going to let Shredder beat him again. _

"_YO! Leo, wake up!" shouted Raph, pounding on the door._

_When Leo did not answer, he knocked again. Still there was no answer. Alright, enough is enough. Raph slammed the door open and marched over to his brother's bed, only marginally surprised when Leo didn't wake up at the attrition of his private space. Raph stood next to the bed, his arms akimbo. Leo was sprawled across his bed haphazardly, his head not even on the pillow. Raph frowned. Leo hadn't even bothered to take off his mask and pads…and the cuts from the battle were not bandaged. Raph shrugged, who was he to question what his brother did. _

"_Leo, get your lazy ass out of bed!"_

"_Raphael!"_

"_Sorry, master!"_

_Raph frowned again. It was not like Leo to sleep so soundly. He grinned mischievously. Taking a few steps backward, he leapt up into the air and crash-landed on Leo. He was rewarded with a moan and a cry from Leo. Raph promptly grabbed Leo's hand and dragged him off to the dojo. _

"_Come on Leo, I gotta practice and you're gonna help me."_

_Once in the dojo he let go of Leo, who did not put up a fuss at being pulled across the lair, and turned to face him. He was about to attack, but halted at the sight of Leo. He was not in the starting position, hell, he was just standing there like an ass with his hand at his sides. _

"_Leo? What are you doing?"_

"_Huh? Oh."_

_Leo fell into the starting position and the sparring match began. Raph executed a series of well-placed punches, driving his anger at shredder out. Leo managed to block the first few, but was too late in blocking a right hook._

"_Come on, Leo! This is fucking stupid, you should've beat my ass by now!"_

_Gritting his teeth, Leo rolled onto all fours before climbing to his feet. He turned to face Raphael, barely bringing his arms up in time to block a sidekick. He grabbed the proffered foot and proceeded to twist it. Normally this would result in a floored Raphy, but Leo did not have the strength to pull such a stunt. Raph was merely pushed off balance, before he managed to flip out of his brother's grasp. Leo leapt after Raph. The two engaged in another swift and violent furry of punches, jabs, and kicks. And once again, Leo was knocked to the floor. _

"_Leo, what's with you? Don't tell me a bunch of foot managed to get the better of you?_

"_They wouldn't have if you hadn't been such a dumb ass and thought before you attacked."_

"_Oh, excuse me, Oh Fearless Leader, but I was under the impression that it was your ass that needed saving."_

"_Really? That's not what I saw when Sh'edder was using youd shell as a brillo pad!"_

"_You know what Leo, you're nothing but a mumbling moron! What do you know?"_

_With that, Raph strode out of the dojo and out into the night. He would spend the next week as far from the lair as possible, only returning for meals and practices he forced Leo into. Sensei had given them a week of rest, but Raph could not cope with idea of letting himself slip further then he had. The rest of the time he spent with Casey, hunting down the shredder and taking down any punks that got in their way. _

Raph looked up at the sky. He did not know how long he had been sitting on the roof, reminiscing about the fight, but he decided that it was time for him to go home. While he did not have to worry about Leo, Master Splinter was whole 'nother matter. Never let that frail-old-rat appearance fool you, he still had the strength to beat their asses any day of the week.

Upon entering the lair, Raphael was mildly surprised not to see someone waiting to grill him for staying out past the newly instated curfew. But who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? Silently he padded across the lair and up the steps to his room. On his way he had to pass Leo's room. The door was wide open. _Leo'd never let 'is door hang open like this_. It was true, the blue turtle preferred to keep his room off limits to everyone, keeping the door closed whether or not he was in it. Needless to say this peaked Raph's interest, and he looked inside, frowning when he saw that his brother was not present. He did not have long to wonder where his brother may be, for at that moment he heard violent retching coming from the bathroom. Shocked, Raphael ran to the can, using the doorframe to stop. What he saw nearly shocked him out of his shell. Leo was crouched over the john, gasping for breath. Raph made his way cautiously over to his brother and put a hand on his shoulder. "Leo?" Leo did not seem to hear him, and Raph had to pull him back and let him rest against the tub.

"Shit, Leo!"

Leo's eyes were closed, and there was blood rushing from his nose. Raph grabbed the towel hanging on the wall and proceeded to wipe the blood away.

"Leo? Leo, come on man, say something!"

"Raph?" the voice was tired and scratchy, but it was something.

"Yah, dude, its me. I need you to open your eyes."

"No…m…tired."

"Shit, Leo, this is no time for a nap!"

"Fuck you." That startled the red turtle. He stared at his brother, who continued to lean against the tub, his breathing irregular. Where had that come from? Leo was not known to curse.

"Leo, I need you tell me what's up." Silence answered him, it echoed around the room until Raph couldn't stand it anymore. He asked again, and got the same response. Growing irritable, Raph reached out and forced Leo to look up at him. Leo made no sound except to grasp lightly at the arm that forced his head up and into the light. He kept his eyes shut firmly in an effort to stop the pain it brought.

"Leo, I need you to open yer eyes."

"And I need you to shut the hell up and leave me alone."

"Leo…"

Silence stretched between them once more. Raph's mind was running a mile a minute. What the hell was going on here? Here was Leo, sitting on the bathroom floor with blood still pouring out his shnoz after having thrown up violently, and now he was refusing to open his eyes. Raph was no doc' but he could tell that there was something wrong.

"Leo, I'm going to go and get Donny. I need you to stay here."

"Like I can go anywhere with the room spinning like it is…"

Raph frowned at his older bro, but walked out the door and leapt down the steps. He quickly crossed the living room and headed toward the residential lab. He didn't even consider checking the purple turtle's room, Donny spent so much time in his lab that it wasn't unusual to find him fast asleep over some project. Sure enough, when Raph entered the lab he found Donny slumped against the wall, a screwdriver in one hand, and a mechanical doohickey in the other.

Raph stood before his slumbering brother, and "lightly" kicked him in the leg. He had to use every bit of his ninjitsu training in order to avoid the tool that had launched from Don's hand; it landed point first in the wall behind him. Don stood up, gasping.

"Damn it, Raph, don't do that again, I could've nailed you…"

Raph didn't respond beyond the point of grabbing Don's hand and dragging him out into the lair and up the steps.

"Raph, what the shell are you doing? Let me go."

Donny wrenched his hand from Raph's vice like grip.

"What is th…"

He was cut off by the sight of Leo leaning against the tub, blood flowing from his nose and looking a paler shade of green.

"When I came in…"

Donny silenced Raph with a wave of his had, his quick observations already concluding what had occurred.

"Leo?"

Leo made no response beyond suddenly lurching forward and vomiting the remainder of his stomach into and onto the toilet before him. Don was beside him in a moment, carefully holding his brother as he slumped sideways, painfully gasping for air.

Raph was getting worried now. All the anger and resentment that he felt for Leo the past week melted into genuine concern and panic. Leo was the perfect one, nothing ever happened to him. He was supposed to downstairs lecturin' him about his 'tude and staying home at night, not leanin' against Donny covered in blood and sick. Absent mindedly, Raph wet a rag and proceeded to wipe Leo clean as Don tried to keep Leo awake.

"Come on, bro, I need you to stay with me."

"…mmm..tired…'

"I know, you can sleep in a bit, I just need to see what I have to do to help."

"Damn…it…"

Raph threw the rag into the sink. A sudden thought made itself into his head. Reaching over, he flicked the lights off. Thrown suddenly into semi-darkness, they all became silhouettes.

"Can ye open yer eyes?"

"I told you I didn't want to!"

"Leo, please?"

Leo sighed before opening his sensitive eyes slowly. Don grasped his chin lightly as he peered into his eyes. He cussed softly. Moving into a crouch, Don levered Leo into his arms and lifted him up. It was a strange sight: Leo being carried bride like out of the bathroom and down the hall by the purple turtle. Raph followed them like a shadow.

Once in the blue turtle's room, Don laid his brother carefully out on the bed, wrapping him lightly in blankets.

"Go to sleep, Leo, I'll be back in an hour."

Whether or not Leonardo had heard this was debatable, as he had fallen asleep as soon as he vacated his sibling's arms.

Patting Raph's shoulder, he indicated that they were to leave.

Stepping out into the hall, and softly closing the door behind him, Raph turned to his braniac brother.

"What the shell is going on?"

Don rubbed his eyes. "Let's talk in the kitchen."

Raph waited silently, albeit impatiently, as Don made himself a cup of tea. As soon as he sat down, Raph demanded, "Donny, what the hell is wrong with Leo?"

"Nothing a few days of rest won't cure."

"That doesn't tell me anythin', Don. I came home to him blowing his brains out. The entire week he's been off. What the hell is going on?"

"He simply has a concussion, true its pretty severe, but nothing a week or two of rest is going to fix."

"How the fuck did he get a concusion?"

Don looked at him incredulously.

"What?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said! How the shell don't you know?"

Raph growled. "Why don't you tell me and then I will."

_The rain was coming down in sheets. It pounded against the pavement, their bodies, and their weapons. Don watched it spin from his Bo as he attacked the surrounding foot. Lightening lanced across the sky, thunder soon followed. _

_Turning towards the enemies advancing from behind, Don was able to spot two of his brothers. Leo was still tangling with the techs, his eyes shut as he tried to hear them over the battle noises and thunder. Mikey was dancing along the edge of building, bapping heads forward, backward, and to the side. He deftly locked his Bo behind him and spun to clear the vicinity of pajama wearing wannabes. Where was Raph?_

_A sudden shout and the rapid disintegration in the number of ninjas in one area of the roof alerted Don to Leo's rapid charge to where his last brother resided. Don's blood froze and his heart skipped a beat at the sudden appearance of Raph, hanging limply in Shredder's grasp, weakly fighting for air. _

_The moment passed quickly. Leo's sudden attack forced tin-head to drop Raph. Don tried desperately to make his way over to where red mask tails could be seen in the darkness, but the foot was doing everything in their power to keep he and Mikey, whom could be seen taking on the remainder of Leo's techninjas, from reaching the other combatants._

_Leo flipped into the scene. Bringing up his one Katana he was able to block the striking arm of Saki. Ducking to one side he avoided a swipe to his head, bringing his right knee up to Shredder's side. Falling backwards, Shredder compensated the fall by flinging Leo over himself. On and on they fought, tears from the sky mingling with their sweat. Leo was growing weary, but he could not risk stopping, for it would not only put himself at danger, but also Raph. He had no doubts that Shredder would take a free shot at the unconscious turtle if given the chance. _

_Shredder saw the fatigue creeping behind the turtle's steel blue gaze. He too was tired. He had to end this quickly. Shredder saw the freak glance to his brother on the floor. Shredder smiled. This would not take much longer._

_The number of ninja's keeping from his bro's was starting to lessen, but there was still enough to keep him from going anywhere. Mike kept his eyes fixed on his oldest brother as he took out the ninja's around him. Never before had he been so happy that Leo spent hours training. All that effort was giving him the edge he needed to keep Raphy alive. But it may not have been enough to keep himself alive. Mikey gave a pain-ridden gasp of horror as he watched a signaled Foot come creeping up behind his brother._

"_LEO BEHIND YOU!"_

_His brother turned, deflecting the falling sword and quickly taking the ninja down. The brief second he had his back turned was all the time Shredder needed. Coming up from behind, he gave Leo a harsh kick to the back of his knees, catching the turtle as he fell. Now pinned to the shredder by the massive arm that crushing his ribs, Leo's scant breathing became even more thin and irregular. Shredder laughed insanely as he grasped Leo's one arm and forced it forward. He advanced slowly on Raphael, whom remained still on the ground. Leo understood immediately what was going to occur and tried to release his grip on the katana in his hand, but the pressure Shredder was applying was too strong. Panic grew in his chest, laugher echoed in his ear._

"_After you kill him, freak, I'm going to kill you. And then who will be there to protect the other two?"_

_Anger replaced the panic. Snapping his head back forcefully, pain exploded in his skull as he made contact with tin-head's helmet, but it had the desired effect. Wrenching himself out of the loosened grasp, Leo swiftly brought his katana up to slice at Saki once, twice, thrice! Crying out in rage, Shredder swung out at Leo, catching him in the face and causing the enraged turtle to loose balance. Shredder took the opportunity to grasp Leo by the neck. He squeezed tightly, causing Leo to choke and gasp for air. _

_Mikey saw all this. Tears of fury, coursed their way down his cheeks as he tried come to the aid of his brother._

_Darkness started overcoming the sight of Shredder's laughing face. Leo could feel his pulse against Shredder's glove weakening. His arms grew heavy… _

_Flashes of faces began to appear before his eyes._

_He saw Master Splinter beginning to teach them Ninjitsu._

_He saw all four of them racing around the lair._

_He saw he and Donny playing with a remote car._

_He saw Mikey creaming Raph in Mario Party._

_He saw April typing furiously at the computer._

_He heard Shredder whispering in his ear, "I'm going to kill you. And then who will be there to protect the other two?"_

_One last burst of life coursed suddenly through his veins, his vision became suddenly sharp and clear. He took his remaining katana and swiped it viciously across his captor's chest. Screaming in pain and frustration, Shredder through him to the ground, where his head smacked sickeningly against the ground. As soon as they arrived, they were gone, leaving only the four turtles behind. _

Don rose slowly from the table and washed his cup out in the sink before putting it back in the shelf. Raph remained staring at the table, silent as thoughts raced across his mind. Clips from the last week came forward unbidden to his mind.

Leo passed out on his bed.

Leo sparring weakly.

Leo staring vacantly at the TV.

Leo moving slower and loosing his balance far more easily.

His caustic remarks.

His hard punches.

His insults.

His hate.

He had hated the fact that one of his brothers had to come to his aid. He hated that it had to be Leo. Now he hated himself for hating the brother that had nearly given his life for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! It means a lot to me, guys, thanks a bunch.

This next part is much shorter then the first chapter, but I'm hoping thatchapter 3will be longer. After that, the story is done. This was originally supposed to be a one shot...

Forgotten Disclaimer: Why on Earth do I need one? I owntheTMNT. Leo is all mine, forever and ever and...dream bubble pops...damn it.

* * *

It's a fickle thing, one's mind. At times it can be the most abundant resource a turtle can have. Other times it can be the weakest link of one's sanity. All it takes is one well-placed hit. Ninjitsu has taught me dozens of one shot strikes that can permanently damage one's brain, but it never taught me of the torturous tricks the heart can play with it.

Seeing him lie there, breathing deeply, but never moving, is disconcerting, albeit it had been relieving at first, anything to stop the nightmares. But now I would be ecstatic to see him move, even if it came with screaming…

I tried not to let him slip. I knew that the head injury was bad. I knew that he had not gotten a lot of sleep over the past week. I knew that I should have kept waking him. I knew that that the nightmares were awful, his screams echoing around his room enough to testify, so when he did finally manage to come to a peaceful slumber, I dared not wake him again in fear of he never being able to reach that point again. I reasoned with myself that Leo had gone a week without falling into a coma, and you only needed to be kept awake for twelve hours to prevent such a thing. Besides, he needed the rest.

Apparently nature is as fickle as our minds. All I know is that Leo has not awakened in two days…

I do know that whatever heart pain I may be feeling, Raph's experiencing ten-fold. I've gone into Leo's room and found him passed out, stains of the tears he'll only shed alone evident on his cheeks and dampened mask. I know he feels guilty about Leo's condition. The anguished expression upon his face the night I told him of how Leo got his concussion is burned into memory.

That's another nasty trick of the mind. The slightest thing can remain etched in your memory, and any random object can bring a flood tide of recollections…memories of pain…memories of nearly loosing a brother…memories of sorrow…memories that would be bettered off being forgotten…

I cen ha'rdly stand it anymo're. Leo's constant breathing is the only thing that breaks the silence of the room. How many times have I wished him to shut up? To leave me alone? To get out of my life? And to be the one to silence him? I had nearly gotten my wish, an' that scared the shit out of me.

Fearless…that's what I had called him. Out of truth or out of spite? I can't even tell. To have seen my perfect brother not so perfect had brought happiness to me, I cen not lie to my self bout that, but the price of the joy is so gut sickenin' that it doesn' seem like joy no more, just a mockery of one to torment you as ye huddl' ov'r ya bro's body, remindin' that it was you who made yer brother suffer, an' fer what? Petty revenge agains' the one who would, and had, stuck his life out on a limb fer yeah? Some brother I was.

Leo, you have te wake up! Please bro, I need ye round here to yell and bitch at me. I need ye there to spar with me, ta mess around with. Remember the night we tried to make meatloaf? Come on, bro, ya know ya want make the lair reek again, it was the only thing that kept Mikey off our shells. He was too busy in the bathroom to do anything..,

He's not moving. His eyes aren't open, boring into mine. Leo's eyes could hold ya ferever, you know, and tell ya that things are all right, an' even if they aren't, they will be... I hated him fer that. I hated that he felt da need te protect me and tell me that things would be ok. It told me that no matter how many times we fought, no matter how many times that I screamed and cussed at him, he would always be there fer round two. And I hated him fer that.

Oh, God in 'eaven an Earth, don't let Leo leave cause of something I did. Don't make him suffer cause of my hate. Leo I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. Please bro, wake up.

Darkness. That's all he could see. It was so absolute that all thoughts of things living seemed to fade away. All that existed was the comforting darkness that held you aloft in a softness that surrounded you completely. The silence was a blessing. After a raging headache and the constant clatters of his brothers…wait. Brothers? Soft images began to form in the darkness. Oblique images of green, red, purple, and orange danced out of reach of his leaden arms. They soon disappeared and darkness resumed.

Then a sound emerged, a dark, scraping sound. Cries for mercy and tears of pain made their way to his ears. They passed chillingly through his body. More cries came. Distinct. Sharp. Caustic. Words could almost be heard, but the intensity of their pain seemed more potent. As it passed through him, he cringed and doubled over in an effort to guard himself against the bitter pain. Suddenly the dark screeching sound jumped to a piercing wail. Leo covered his ears and cried out in agony as the sound coiled its burning intensity around his very being. Images unexpectedly emerged, sharp and clear. Donny's bleeding form calling out for help.

"Leo? LEO! Leo, help me please!" Leo reached out a shakey hand, but the screeches intensified, causing Leo to impulsively retract his hand as another wave of pain passed through him.

"Leo, why don't you help me, Leo? Leo! LEEEEOOO!" Don began to fade, a panicked, desperate look in his eye.

"Leo you're my brother, you won't let me die. Leo? Leo, help me!" Leo tried to reach out, but was unable to against the pain. He watched, tears pouring down his face as Don disappeared with a final wail of pain and despair.

Leo called desperately out for his brother. But all he heard was a scream of pain that ripped through the sound of screeching metal. But the pitch was wrong, that wasn't Donny.

"Mikey!"

Leo tried desperately to find his fun loving brother, trying to track down the source of wails of pain and agony. Anxiety retook its hold on Leo. He had failed Don, he would not abandon Mikey to the same fate.

Encouraged by Mikey's calls for his big brother between the screeches of pain, Leo searched, finding nothing but darkness that he had once thought comforting. Now it was suffocating him, restricting his movements as he looked franticly for the brothers whose pained breath he could hear between the faint calls for him. Eventually all he heard was labored breathing, and that too soon ended, with a final, "Why didn't you help me?"

Heart broken at those words, Leo collapsed onto the hard ground, exhaustion over taking his limbs. How could he help his brother if he couldn't even see them? But that did not cushion the blow letting another brother fall because he could not be there. Throwing back his head, Leo let a savage scream tear itself from his throat. On and on he screamed, letting loose his pain, his sorrow, his tears, frustration, and anger…

Then there was nothing.

Silence. It left a ringing in his ears. Looking up, Leo could only see darkness, and the slight fogging of his breath. It was getting cold. Unnerved he stood up.

His heart was beginning to quicken. This wasn't right. The aura was entirely wrong. Every moment of life had a distinct and unique atmosphere. Here there was nothing but the sounds of his heart beating against his plastron.

Looking wildly around, Leo began to run. He had no idea where he was going, but anywhere was better then the void.

Time lost meaning in the end. Tireless, he tried desperately to find his way from the icy darkness. Where was everybody?

Flashes began to appear before his eyes.

_He was ten. He and Mikey were arguing over who was going to play Silver Sentry and Doctor Evil. _

_He was in the dojo. The others had left for bed a long time ago. Sweat was pouring from his limbs, but he had to get this move right… _

_Donny was sitting at his bench, working obsessively over some gadget. Leo watched, trying to contain his laughter as Raph approached with a blown paper bag in one hand… _

_The shredder had Raph grasped in one hand as he raised his clawed hand, preparing to finish the straggled turtle. Rain was pouring in torrents, but they seemed to slow, if not stop entirely. All things slowed, or had he sped up? _

_Leaping toward Shredder, Leo felt a surge of adrenaline course its way through his body. He would not let Shredder harm a member of his family… _

_He was falling, released from Tin-head's chokehold. He felt his head smack against the concrete floor of the roof, but for some reason it didn't hurt. He knew it would later, but at the moment that did not matter. All that mattered was the sight of the unconscious turtle before him. He pulled him self slowly to a somewhat up ward position, balancing on his one arm as he reached out for Raph, the rain blurring his vision… _

Leo gasped. Raph! What had happened to Raph? Thinking hard, Leo tried to think. Had they made it home ok? Were Don and Mikey all right? Where had the shredder gone? Nothing came to mind. He couldn't remember anything after that. A cold fear came over Leo. Had he died?

Vague memories started to stir in his mind.

Raph returning home…

Fighting…

Sick…

Don coming in…

Raph lying next to him, grasping his hand lightly as his head rests on the other one. Soft snores permeating the room…

Leo blinked.

The entire room came into sharper focus. He could feel his leaden body in the softness of the bed. The texture of his brother's calloused hands tangible in his own. The sounds of the others down stairs…

Leo sighed and leaned back on his pillow, a relieved smile playing on his lips as he gazed at the ceiling. He wasn't dead after all.

* * *

Like I said, one more chapter after this, which is more of a stepping-stone, really. I wrote it so that everyone is clear of how Leo got to his comatose state and got out and how the family was reacting to it. Splinter is alive in this fic, he just hasn't made an appearance yet. Sorry if this isn't making sense, its 12:30 at night, and there is snow on the ground... 

Anyways, leave a review!


	3. Chapter 3

To everyone that has been reading this I apologize for the delay. dusts off the computer I really hadn't intended for this story to go further then the first chapter, so I had to persuade Raph to make another appearance. He kept mumbling something about stupid Fanfics and dopey dames, but he changed his mind after a bit of persuation. Raph: NOT THE CHEESE CURLS! 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this last instalment of GBM and to everybody who has commented you have my greatest thanks!

Now, on with the story

* * *

Sleep has ta be the only thing that a turtle cen 'preciate anymore. I mean, the world is a screwed up place, ya know? Ya 'ear about it evry day on the news. Husbands killing their families, drug busts, aids…brothers hating each other. When yer asleep, all of that goes away, and yer left with a world that is completely in your control. I know dat I spend a lot of nights out with Case. It jest doesn't feel right, me asleep in some comfy world while dere are people 'oose life is bein' controlled by the street scum of da city. I mean, dere are adults getting' kids 'ooked on all kinds of shit, and ladies are bein' raped in every fuckin' alley. How can a person sleep knowin' that crap is goin' on? 'sides, it's fun ta beat the crap otta da punks. None of my bro's unnerstan' dat.

But now it feels good ta sleep. My back has been aching with sitting constantly by Fearless. I owe him that much, but there is only so much my shell can take. Leanin' down on the bed, a lightly grasp his hand. Its warm. I stare at da clasped hands. It wrong on so many levels to be doin' this, but at the moment it feels ok. I need to know that he's still here, not on the brink of death. I need to know that he's going to be ok, that he's just asleep an'll wake up any second now. I need him to be up an' yellin' at me fer bein' a dumb ass. I need sleep. I need ta take care of all the shit goin' through my head. I need whoever's pokin' me to get their fucking hands off me!

"Lemme alone."

"Raph…"

"Mikey, if you don't get the hell out of here and let me get some freaken sleep, yer gonna get yer 'chuck so far-"

"Raph, my arm's falling asleep and I need to go. Care to get your drunken head of the bed so I can move?"

"Wha-?"

I heard the voice, but I couldn't believe it. I turned and stared into eyes tha' I swear weren't open before. How long was I sleepin?

"Leo?"

He grinned at me, an' it wasn't 'is normal grin neether. It was weird, sad almost, and jest a tad amused. The hell is he-? Damnit! I quickly let go of his hand and pushed myself up. Shit, this 'as jest not ben my week! But, shell it's good ta see him awake. Now if the lil' turd could stay still, maybe I could talk ta him!

"Leo, where the shell do ya think yer goin'?"

I couldn' believe it. Hardly awake an' he's ready to get up an' out.

"I told you, I need ta go."

I felt a rumble deep in my throat. Yeah, he's ok, self-righteous lil' prick. Can't he sit still for two god-damned minutes? Where the hell could he need ta go so bad?

I watched as Leo tried to maneuver himself out of bed, barely able to get there in time to catch him before he fell.

"See, yer in no condition ta be movin' bro. Jest relax, I get what ever ya need."

"I don't need you to get anything!"

I could feel the blood begin to swell behind his eyes as Leo pushed himself free, and began tottering to the door.

"LEO!"

I had, had enough of his shit. Does he think tha' he's invincible or somthin'? Here I was sittin' by his worthless hide fer two damn days an' as soon as he wakes up he's otta 'ere? No, 'thanks Raph' or 'good ta see ya, Raph'? That bastard isn' even lettin' me say what on ma frickin' mind!

"LEO!"

I strode across the room and grabbed his arm, yanking him cruelly around to face me. Startled, Leo lost his balance and fell right inta my arms. Caught unprepared for the unexpected load I fell ta the ground. Pushin' him away frem me, I rolled ta ma knees and adjusted ma 'danna.

"Well, dat wazzin't one of yer most graceful moments."

When Leo didn't answer I looked down. For a moment I thought he was dead. With the light from the hall way splashin' across 'is face I could clearly see da circles unner his eyes an' 'is pale skin dat clashed 'orribly with da bruises on is neck.

Fear coursed rapidly through me. _Stupid, stupid idiot! You moron, ya jackass!_ How could I ferget why he was in dat bed ta bagin with?

"Leo?"

He didn't answer me, and I got scared. Scramblin' to his side I pulled him onta ma lap.

"Leo? Leonardo?"

I slapped his face, trying to get a response from him. Guilt quickly took its familiar place in my stomach. Am I so insensitive that I can't even talk ta my bro for five civilized minutes?

The panic that had bloomed so quickly in my chest quickly dissipated, though. Leo's hand shot up and grabbed my hand before I could strike him again. Relief like I never known swept me, and I quickly brought Leo closer, hugging him tightly. The anger, guilt, shame and fear that had held me for the last week seemed to dissipate with each steady thump I could feel from Leo's chest, and I felt lightheaded. I couldn't describe the happiness that filled my veins. It made me want to kiss Klunk and dance on the moon.

"Leo, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

I buried my face in the spot between his shoulder and neck, and I could feel him wrap his arms around me the best he could. Tears began to burn ma eyes. Why? How the shell should I know? But how would you feel if ya jest thought dat ya lost your bro, only ta be given another chance with him? But I could not, would not, let them fall.

"I'm sorry."

I had no idea what else to say. What DO you say? Sorry I was a jackass and nearly got you killed because I wouldn't listen to you when you told me to practice, and then forcing you to practice when you were injured and nearly killing you again and then saying that I hate you and that you were outta my life?

"Raph, its ok, calm down."

"No, Leo." I pushed myself away from 'im, and turned ma head. I didn't want him ta see da tears tha' were pushin der limits.

"Leo, I was a jerk, a moron, and…and ya get da pic'tare. If it wazzin' fer me ya wouldn'ta been hurt. An' I only made it worse. I saw that ya were hurtin' Leo…I did…an'…an' I didn't do anythin' ta help ya till it was too late…Ya always der fer us…I'm sorry, Leo."

He didn't sey anythin' and fer a moment I thought that I had jest made a royal ass of maself. Who was I ta go en apologize? Did I really think dat I deserved his mercy? The way Leo waz staring at me seemed to answer that pretty clearly. Releasing a shaky sigh, I stood up.

"I unnerstan',"

I started walkin' away when a hand closed on my wrist an' spun me around. A moment later I was stuck in Leo's strong embrace. All at once everything seemed to melt inta an oblivion, an' I waz left with a peace I hadn't known in ages. It was like a great weight had been pressing down on me, only to be lifted by every breath we exhaled until it disappeared entirely. Exactly how long we were standing dere, huggin' the crap outta eachother is lost ta me, but it was a surprise when we leggo dat my mask waz damp. I hadn't even noticed da tears escaping. Luckly, Leo was to occupied adjustin' his own 'danna so I was able to hide the evidence real quick.

Next thing I knew I was clutchin' ma noggin where it had bin slapped.

"Shell! What was dat for!"

"For being a dumb ass. Yeah, you do some stupid stuff, but do ya really think that I could never forgive you?"

"Leo, we're not talkin' about me sneakin' outta da lair or beatin' on Mikey. I really hurt ya bro."

"It doesn't matter, Raph."

"But-"

"It. Doesn't. Matter."

I felt a small smile creep its way onto my face. I never understood how Leo could be ready to forgive so easily, but that's jest what makes him, him. I don't think I would want him any different.

"But if you don't let me go now, Raph, I don't think I could ever forgive you."

"What? Why?"

I stared utterly confused as my bro walked slightly unsteadily towards the door. He looked back at me before he turned the corner.

"You try holding it for two days."

* * *

I think we've all been there at some point... 


End file.
